Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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