FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She bit a glass in half.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
