I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
