The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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