it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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