I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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