Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
