I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
