I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
