please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
