That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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