im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
