You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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