I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
