Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
