How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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