Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
