I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
