ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
