I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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