Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
