I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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