Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
