ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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