I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
