i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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