There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
