please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You need a sexual gate keeper
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
