Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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