I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
