You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
