In the future we'll all be gay
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
