You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
