so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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