evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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