Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
