i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
