are you so shy because you have an std?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
