We're like a lot better than the average bears
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
