Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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