my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
