you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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