So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Terrible idea I love it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize