her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
