That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
