I am puke
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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