Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
