FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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