please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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