Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
