I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
