Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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