Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize