i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize