i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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