So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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