I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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