Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
