Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
