Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
