okay pat passed out under dana's car
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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