Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
