And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
