you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
