I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
