It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
