I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
