girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
