don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
