I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
