It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize