how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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