Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize