Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
