Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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