5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
