so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A bitchslap is in order.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
